I grew up having a remarkably close relationship with my grandmother and went to her house almost every Sunday after dinner with my family. We kids would sometimes run off and play but we would frequently play games like UNO with the adults around the table or bring artwork to pull out and draw together. Grandma would even give us tips on how to improve our drawing as she was an experienced artist. I loved visiting my Grandma and have always wanted to grow up to be just as kind, compassionate, and caring as she is. We never doubted her love for us and always looked forward to visiting her and Grandpa every week.
Grandma left this earth about 8 years ago and every so often I am still flooded with grief and think about how badly I miss her. Three weeks ago I had a dream that I was sitting next to Grandma on a bench. In my lap I held a box full of items that she had given to me and were mementos of all the memories I had with her. I remember feeling overwhelmed at what to finally say to her. There was so much to say, so much time had passed, and so much had changed. With the items in the box I wanted to show to her, to prove that she hadn't been forgotten. So much of what I was feeling was love, longing, sadness, joy, and a desperation to say how I felt. Finally, I simply said, "I've missed you" before being engulfed in more tears. Grandma didn't say a thing, but she warmly smiled at me, leaned in and wrapped her arm around my back to hold me close.
Whenever I've dreamed that I am spending time with her again, there is always a part of me that knows that I'm dreaming and that Grandma is no longer with us. This is what inevitably causes me sadness in the dream but I also recognize them as special gifts for myself. And while I knew this was a dream, I felt like I could actually feel the weight of her arm on my back as she comforted me. There was too much to say, but in the end I said what mattered. She knew how much I loved her and missed her.
I cried all the next day as I remembered the dream and went to church for my normal Sabbath meetings. I partook of the sacrament with more reverence as I contemplated on what it would be like to see my Grandma again in the next life and compared that with the future experience of one day meeting my Savior. I considered what would be in my box from my life spent knowing and loving Him, and how He too would embrace me. I felt a renewed hope in my Savior's plan for families. A desire to live my life more righteously so that I can live again with my Savior and my beloved grandmother and family. I felt an urging to develop a better relationship with my Savior to feel the same longing and desire to be with him as I do with my grandmother.
Of all the things I have a testimony of, the Love that God has for us is real and tangible. It's encompassing all aspects in our lives. I know that my family has been sealed for all eternity and that my Grandmother will live again and that I will be able to see her and be with her. I know that my Savior lives and He to loves me and waits for me to be with him if I will but serve Him.
Just a week after this dream, I finished a little service project for my grandma's former bishop who happens to be in my YSA bishopric, Brother J. Prestwich. He loved my grandmother and also shared a special friendship with her. They had the same birthday and every October would exchange presents. My grandmother would use her artistic skills to make him a watercolor or colored pencil drawing, frequently in the form of a handmade birthday card. He told me that every year she would beat him to it and give him her gift before he gave her hers. When I went in his house he had three of these paintings proudly displayed near his front door.
A few months earlier I decided he needed another Grandma Walker birthday and used colored pencils to draw a bird sitting on a tree branch in autumn with changing colored leaves. I turned it into a birthday card and wished him a very happy birthday from my grandmother and myself. The second week after the dream was the week of their birthdays. I took my card to church and presented it to him right before sacrament meeting. He was overwhelmed with my kindness and charity to think of him and to give him such a poignant reminder of my grandmother. Little did I know, but he was supposed to conduct in a few minutes and I had just brought him to tears. He later sent me a message and said, "Blown away!! I still can't take it in, started to cry when you gave me that gift right before I am to conduct, all my memories of Carma came flooding back as then I think of your selflessness to me. Thanks so much, God bless."
How fitting I felt it was after being reminded so much of her love for me, to pass on that same gift. The reminders of love, our Savior, and eternal life. That we know we are never alone and can be reunited with all the people we love in our lives. I've since been told that my picture has also been framed and has proudly joined my grandmother's paintings. 😊
(On a final funny note, the entire time I wrote this story of my experience I heard it in my head voiced by Elder Eyring as if sharing my story in a conference talk.)
Grandma left this earth about 8 years ago and every so often I am still flooded with grief and think about how badly I miss her. Three weeks ago I had a dream that I was sitting next to Grandma on a bench. In my lap I held a box full of items that she had given to me and were mementos of all the memories I had with her. I remember feeling overwhelmed at what to finally say to her. There was so much to say, so much time had passed, and so much had changed. With the items in the box I wanted to show to her, to prove that she hadn't been forgotten. So much of what I was feeling was love, longing, sadness, joy, and a desperation to say how I felt. Finally, I simply said, "I've missed you" before being engulfed in more tears. Grandma didn't say a thing, but she warmly smiled at me, leaned in and wrapped her arm around my back to hold me close.
Whenever I've dreamed that I am spending time with her again, there is always a part of me that knows that I'm dreaming and that Grandma is no longer with us. This is what inevitably causes me sadness in the dream but I also recognize them as special gifts for myself. And while I knew this was a dream, I felt like I could actually feel the weight of her arm on my back as she comforted me. There was too much to say, but in the end I said what mattered. She knew how much I loved her and missed her.
I cried all the next day as I remembered the dream and went to church for my normal Sabbath meetings. I partook of the sacrament with more reverence as I contemplated on what it would be like to see my Grandma again in the next life and compared that with the future experience of one day meeting my Savior. I considered what would be in my box from my life spent knowing and loving Him, and how He too would embrace me. I felt a renewed hope in my Savior's plan for families. A desire to live my life more righteously so that I can live again with my Savior and my beloved grandmother and family. I felt an urging to develop a better relationship with my Savior to feel the same longing and desire to be with him as I do with my grandmother.
Of all the things I have a testimony of, the Love that God has for us is real and tangible. It's encompassing all aspects in our lives. I know that my family has been sealed for all eternity and that my Grandmother will live again and that I will be able to see her and be with her. I know that my Savior lives and He to loves me and waits for me to be with him if I will but serve Him.
Just a week after this dream, I finished a little service project for my grandma's former bishop who happens to be in my YSA bishopric, Brother J. Prestwich. He loved my grandmother and also shared a special friendship with her. They had the same birthday and every October would exchange presents. My grandmother would use her artistic skills to make him a watercolor or colored pencil drawing, frequently in the form of a handmade birthday card. He told me that every year she would beat him to it and give him her gift before he gave her hers. When I went in his house he had three of these paintings proudly displayed near his front door.
A few months earlier I decided he needed another Grandma Walker birthday and used colored pencils to draw a bird sitting on a tree branch in autumn with changing colored leaves. I turned it into a birthday card and wished him a very happy birthday from my grandmother and myself. The second week after the dream was the week of their birthdays. I took my card to church and presented it to him right before sacrament meeting. He was overwhelmed with my kindness and charity to think of him and to give him such a poignant reminder of my grandmother. Little did I know, but he was supposed to conduct in a few minutes and I had just brought him to tears. He later sent me a message and said, "Blown away!! I still can't take it in, started to cry when you gave me that gift right before I am to conduct, all my memories of Carma came flooding back as then I think of your selflessness to me. Thanks so much, God bless."
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| The Happy Birthday Card |
How fitting I felt it was after being reminded so much of her love for me, to pass on that same gift. The reminders of love, our Savior, and eternal life. That we know we are never alone and can be reunited with all the people we love in our lives. I've since been told that my picture has also been framed and has proudly joined my grandmother's paintings. 😊
(On a final funny note, the entire time I wrote this story of my experience I heard it in my head voiced by Elder Eyring as if sharing my story in a conference talk.)
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| I miss you. |
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